1. Thou shalt not read thy Modern Machine Shop on company time,...
lest thy employer make it impossible to continue thy car payments.
2. Thou shalt not covet thy shop coworker's Digital Caliper, nor his Electronic Edge Finder, nor his Gage Block set,...
nor his Pin Gages, nor his wood Gerstner Toolbox.
3. Thou shalt not store thy machines out-of-doors except for the Enco lathe.
4. Thou shalt not deceive thy wife into thinking that thee is taking her for a Sunday drive...
when indeed thou art going out to Harbor Freight.
5. Thou shalt not love thy Digital Dial Bore gauge more than thy wife and children.
6. Thou shalt not despise thy neighbor's Logan Lathe, nor his South Bend, nor even his '47 Clausing .
7. Thou shalt not tell thy spouse the entire cost of thy latest Granite Plate, Stand and Height Gauge...
at least not all at the same time.
8. Thou shalt not promise thy wife a new garage for the house and then use it to store OBI Slant Side Presses.
9. Thou shalt not allow thy sons and daughters to get married during the IMTS show.
10. Thou shalt not buy thy wife a set of 1-2-3 and 2-4-6 blocks for Christmas. (Precision Jewelry)
Does Briggs & Stratton make a crate motor for a Enco benchtop mill/drill??
You paid too much for that CNC when your local HAAS Distributor names the new wing of his shop after you.
The only 2 tools you will ever need are WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it moves and it shouldn't, use the duct tape.
If it doesn't move and it should, use the WD-40.
What's the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons.
Civil engineers build targets.
If your project doesn't work, look for the part that you didn't think was important.
CNC's allow you to make more mistakes faster than any other invention in human history
with the possible exception of handguns and tequila.
It's a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work.
He can't eat for eight hours;
he can't drink for eight hours;
he can't make love for eight hours.
The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work.
How do I mount my .50-caliber machine gun on top of my CNC
so that my CD player Boomblaster doesn't skip when I shoot?
The less time planning, the more time programming.
Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner
Law of the Workshop: Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings...
they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
Law of the Workshop: TEAMWORK... means never having to take all the blame yourself.
Law of the Workshop: INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.
The beginning of the programmer’s wisdom is understanding the difference between getting program to run
and having a runnable program.
Implementation is the fruitless struggle by the talented and underpaid
to fulfill promises made by the rich and ignorant.
We just got a fax. At work.
We didn't know we had a fax machine.
The entire department just stared at it. I poked it with a stick.
Click this link to next page of jokes
